Fear
by Indilwenlily
Summary: Pre-Series. All Kanda wanted to do was meditate, so why couldn't this annoying girl leave him alone? No pairings, unless you wanna read it that way. Mentions of self harm.
**A/N: Hello my dearest readers! I know I have not written anything -Man in a dog's age, but I was reading Doctor Yok's story "Decomposition" today, and I suddenly had the deep urge to write DGM again. Please check out Dr. Yok's story. While this is no direct correlation or anything, the story is really good, so give it a read!**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own DGM or any of the characters, unfortunately…**

 **Fear**

"Kanda?"

Ten year old Kanda Yu sat in silence. Or at least he had, until _she_ walked in. Kanda swore that one day, he would rid himself of the burden of this obnoxious little girl. Three times a day, it seemed, she would come into his room, and in her squeaky little girl voice she would always just say—

"Kanda?"

The voice sounded again, and Kanda seriously considered breaking his meditation to tell the girl to back off.

He stayed in his spot on the floor, eyes closed, legs cross, hands on his knees, just like Old Man Zhu had taught him to do when he needed to calm down. He often used meditation when he was feeling especially angry, or when the lotuses—the _illusions_ —were getting too overwhelming. Without Alma to talk to, he needed a distraction, and frankly, meditation seemed like the best distraction out there.

"What are you doing?"

Kanda felt his face grow red with anger. Clearly, he was doing something important. Did she not see that? He remained silent, however, and stayed in position. He heard her footsteps—they seemed heavy with pain—as she stepped closer into the room and closed the door, leaving them in the dim light. She then plopped down next to him, and he could hear her trying to slow her breathing.

"I'll join you."

 _Dammit._ The young boy cursed. She was supposed to leave, not join him! Did she not understand personal space?

Kanda still retained his position, however, and managed to ignore the girl, until the huffed loudly, clearly bored with the task.

"Why do you do this so much?"

Kanda opened his eyes and glared at her, meeting her violet eyes. "If I tell you, will you be quiet?"

The girl nodded enthusiastically.

"If you must know, it helps me to calm down."

"Is that all?"

"Yes. Now shut up."

The little girl nodded, so Kanda closed his eyes again to continue his meditation. Thoughts ran through his head as he tried to get back into the mood. He had heard that Levierrer would be arriving at the Order today, and would be staying for a week. The child had to be careful to avoid the crusty man at all costs. He would deny that he was afraid of the man, he simply didn't like him.

"Kanda?"

The young exorcist growled and responded with a short "What now?"

"Can I stay here?"

"For how long?"

The girl shrugged.

Kanda sighed, but nodded slightly, "For a little while. Just stop talking."

The girl smiled brightly and said "You're the best!"

Kanda simply grunted, then again focused on his meditation. He found that he simply wasn't focusing anymore, so he decided to switch positions. He stood up and moved away from the girl, then plopped onto the ground in front of his bed, resting his back against the surface. He resumed his position and closed his eyes.

It was several minutes before the girl made her presence known again, as she shifted across the floor and rested her back against the bed next to Kanda. She closed her eyes and sighed contently, relaxing slightly. Before Kanda realized what was happening, the little girl leaned over and set her head on the boy's shoulder.

Kanda immediately stiffened and opened his eyes, turning to glare at the little girl. "Oi! Lenalee—"

He stopped himself when he saw the girl, actually taking a moment to take in her appearance. She had bandages on her legs, which seemed to be a usual for her. She also had smaller bandages on her cheeks, and her wrists were wrapped up.

"What did you do…?" He asked quietly.

Lenalee opened her eyes and looked up at him, a sad look in her eyes, and Kanda immediately felt something squeeze at his heart. She had the look of someone who had seen horrors that no one their age should ever see. He saw the look in his own eyes, sometimes, when he was alone, and he used to see it in Alma. Lenalee should never have that look in her eyes. She should be happy and annoying and drive him crazy with her annoying "Kaaandaaaaa" every five minutes.

"I'm sorry," the little girl whispered. "I… I thought…"

"What did you do?" Kanda asked again, growing impatient, yet more concerned as every second passed.

Lenalee began crying suddenly, the room filling with the child's sobs. "I—I didn't want to see Levierrer. He scares me, Kanda."

Kanda simply nodded his understanding. He would never vocally admit to his fear of the man, but the old man did give him a sense of unease whenever he was around. He also knew full well the horrors that the man put Lenalee through whenever he came for a "visit," as he forced her to attempt to synchronize with the innocence over and over. The man would never stop until Lenalee became another soldier in his war.

"So you figured if you were hurt, he wouldn't do anything to you," Kanda said, more as a statement than a question.

Lenalee nodded against Kanda's shoulder as she sniffled and wiped the tears from her eyes.

"I know I shouldn't have," she said sadly. "I just didn't know what else to do."

Kanda did not respond. He was never one for words—he wasn't one for actions, either, unless they were the result of anger at a particular person. While Lenalee could be annoying, he couldn't bring himself to be mad at her. She was afraid, and coming to him for safety. She didn't come expecting words of comfort and wisdom, but expecting company that wouldn't berate her for her actions. Kanda had acted out of fear enough to know that fear can cause a person to do awful things.

"Are you mad, Kanda?" Lenalee's tiny voice broke the silence. Her words were voiced with sadness and anxiety, terrified that he would demand she get out of his presence.

Kanda merely shook his head and draped an arm around her shoulders, allowing her head to fall to his chest. Lenalee had no idea how to respond. This was not a side of Kanda that she had ever seen, nor would she ever see again for many years. It was the part of Kanda that cared for others, as he had once cared for Alma. She would never tell another soul about that day, and the two of them would never speak of it again. The small gesture spoke volumes to the little girl, and she got the message loud and clear. _Come whenever. If he scares you, I'll kill him._


End file.
